Saturday, 25 June 2011

Winston Zeddemore, the overlooked Ghostbuster?

I'm here to address a travesty, a shocking oversight in science fiction and movie lore. In the 27 years since the original Ghostbusters film came along, Winston Zeddemore, ably played by Ernie Hudson, has gotten precious little credit for his role in saving New York City on two occasions.

And now he’s been given short shrift from IDW Publishing in the preview image for its new monthly Ghostbusters title. The others get all of the attention in the main panel, while poor old Winston is relegated to the bottom corner as a not-so-comic after-thought. Couldn’t the writers have had Slimer in that position? Would that have been so hard?


Fair enough, Egon Spengler and Ray Stanz are the brains of the operation, and Peter Venkman the frontman. And admittedly he wasn’t around for initial formation of the group, but could you imagine The Beatles without Ringo? Bad example perhaps…

Surely Winston Zeddemore deserves equal billing to the others. He’s the soul of the group, the everyman, the audience’s eyes as they view a world that includes a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, demi-god Gozer the Gozerian and where crossing streams will either save the day or cause every molecule in your body to explode at the speed of light.

Even when the Ghostbusters video game came out in 2009, the original three ‘Busters’ had to campaign for Hudson to be given equal billing for his portrayal of Zeddemore. Should it have come to that? The man was warden of maximum security prison Oz for goodness sake.

It’s also been reported that Hudson hasn’t been offered a part in the (eventually) upcoming Ghostbusters 3. Hudson himself is playing it down and says that he isn’t too bothered by this and isn’t waiting by the phone for the call. But how can they consider making another Ghostbusters film without him?

Why is there an anti-Zeddemore/Hudson agenda and how can it be stopped? If, when the Ghostbusters third film does come out, he’s not there with the other guys, perhaps a boycott is in order? That’s how far I’m willing to take this – I will not go to the cinema in 18 months time to see a film that may not even get made, because of the gross neglect of one Winston Zeddemore.

Friday, 27 May 2011

Doctor Who and the Deadly Fear of Commitment



Our favourite timelord has faced Daleks, Cybermen, Sontarans and even renegade members of his own race but surely this is one enemy he simply cannot defeat.


The universe’s ultimate bachelor is currently facing his greatest threat… commitment. In the latest series of time and space shenanigans, the Doctor is lumbering towards a marriage with archaeologist/scientist/adventurer/sass-merchant River Song, and the fact that their timelines are moving in opposite directions means the good doctor has no escape.


“You’re building me the perfect prison, and it still won’t be enough” – The Doctor, Day of the Moon


This series also featured an episode tantalisingly entitled ‘The Doctor’s Wife’. Did anyone believe that he would actually tie the knot? Hardly. Instead we got a beautiful tale from Neil Gaiman about the greatest relationship the Doctor will ever have. Any anyway, this isn’t the first time he faced the threat of commitment and the Doctor always finds a way out. Always.


“Got married! That was a mistake. Good Queen Bess. And let me tell you, her nickname is no longer… anyway” – The Doctor, The End of Time


I was born in the 80s so the earliest Doctor I remember was Sylvester McCoy. And while he is not the most fondly remembered Doctor, his companion Ace (played by Sophie Aldred) stirred something inside of me. As my brother once put it, “I knew I liked it but I was too young to understand why”.

However the Doctor did not share my romantic yearnings for Ace and as was the case with his predecessors, was simply not bothered by girls. The only one who came close was Tom Baker as the fourth Doctor whose real life relationship with Lalla Ward who played Romana Mk II made for some very un-Doctor-like sexual tension in the TARDIS.


“I love humans. Always seeing patterns in things that aren't there” – The Doctor, Doctor Who TV Movie


It wasn’t until Paul McGann briefly played the eighth Doctor that he began to notice girls. Or more the fact he noticed that they noticed him. Even though he only played the Doctor once, he racked up more lovin’ that his seven predecessors seemed to in 30 years (or 890 years depending on how you look at it).

Once bitten by the love bug, he was hooked. Doctor number nine (played by Christopher Ecclestone) went for the hard to get route with companion Rose Tyler and only got some action when removing lethal energy from her through the form of a kiss. His successor, played by David Tennant, faired better and made Ms Tyler a happy woman by err… leaving a half-human clone of himself with her on a parallel universe.

Before his eventual regeneration into Matt Smith in 2010, he found time to fall deeply in love in Madame dePompadour and leave her to die alone, treat Martha Jones like shit simply because she wasn’t his beloved chav Rose Tyler, and enchant Kylie Minogue to the point that she was willing to die for him. Obviously a busy boy.


“Oh, he does love playing with Earth girls!” – The Master, The End of Time


How can one man, albeit in eleven different guises, get so many women in a tizzy? Look at the latest girl to fall for his charms, Amy Pond found time at her own wedding to flirt with him in front of her new husband and all of their friends and family. Perhaps because he’s the ultimate bachelor – coming and going as he pleases throughout time and space, with little regard for the affect he has on women and relationships. Even before romance was an issue, the women in his life (lives) struggled to move on. Sarah-Jane Smith, who was one of the first strong female characters in sci-fi, resigned herself to a life of loneliness because no human could ever live up to the man in the blue box.


“Well... there was this one guy. I travelled with him for a while. But he was a tough act to follow” – Sarah-Jane Smith, School Reunion


Her predecessor Jo Grant fared only slightly better, leaving the TARDIS to marry a man she described as a younger version of the Doctor but she always harboured resentment that he never made a house call for her. It also begs the question of why Jo and her husband couldn’t stay with the Doctor and travel the universe.

It’s a life she and many others have had to leave behind. Martha Jones is the probably the most recent, realising that she would never win the Doctor’s affection, left the TARDIS to try and get on with her life.


“Is that what happens though, seriously? You just get bored of us one day and disappear?” – Martha Jones, Utopia


The Doctor isn’t the guy that girls settle down with and have families. He’s just not that sort. He's always ready to close the TARDIS door on someone and leave their life forever to go on to his next adventure.

Saturday, 23 April 2011

Would Your Relationship Survive The Zombie Apocalypse?


This piece originally appeared on the excellent groom advice website Staggered:


With the Walking Dead shuffling onto terrestrial television (you should check out Robert Kirkman‘s original graphic novels by the way, they’re amazing – even if he did stiff us for an interview), we decided that it was time to ask the big question: would your relationship survive the zombie apocalypse? Aidan “Soldier of” Fortune reports, Stu from Boneface draws.


While I have often escaped the misery of the real world by drifting into a daydream that involved me taking on rampaging zombies, my wife never came up. But given that I am married and problems like these have to be faced together, I thought it important that I assess our not only chances of survival, but the possibility of us staying together, even if she’s, y’know, undead.


TOP TIP! Couples that slay together, stay together

Working together is key – do you and your bride often finish each other’s sentences? Well now you can finish off each other’s pithy remarks as you take out yet another un-dead neighbour. Imagine it, just as you decapitate a zombie, your wife blurts out a ‘must have lost his head’ joke. Of course if like me you don’t like being beaten to the punch then this will be a constant source of annoyance to you because you had a much better quip than that, obviously…


ZOMBIE RELATIONSHIP DILEMMA: Can you make time for romance?

I don’t mean to start sounding pervy, but the human race ain’t gonna repopulate itself. In between the maiming and the looting, it’s important that you make a little time for each other. Even if she’s covered in blood after smearing herself with guts to escape the hordes, tell her she’s looking pretty. And if you’ve always been attracted to strong women, well then you’re in for a treat, what could be stronger than your main gal snapping a zombie’s neck with her bare hands? Lucky boy.


TOP TIP! Slaughter Is The Best Medicine

Of course there’s a different type of frustration that you can let out more easily now. All couples argue, if anyone tells you otherwise, they’re lying. And if after you’ve had a massive row over who ate the last emergency Pot Noodle, you can go and relieve your tensions by brutally maiming some zombies, then come back home to kiss and make up.


TOP TIP! Good couples complement each other

My wife may be ruthless with her punches but frankly she lacks the tactical planning required to make a food run to the abandoned Waitrose to stock up on hummus and olives (what? The country may have fallen but we still have standards.) Between us, we could probably create and successfully execute a plan that would avoid the hordes. It’s all about teamwork and making sure that both us play to our strengths, like a, like a… marriage. Yes, I will beat you over the head with this analogy, much like I would a zombie with a frying pan.


TOP TIP! Interior Design For Survival

Granted, this probably began the second you started going out with your significant other, but battles over decorating and furnishings could have long-term implications for your survival. Just think: if you had put your foot down regarding that antique broadsword over the gas-effect fire, perhaps you would have had a chance as the marauders came breaking down your door. It’s not going to be the same effect when you brandish your Malmokoening lamp is it?


TALKING POINT: Could the rise of the undead be the best thing for you?

Despite the fact that my wife and I spend all day in front of computers, we’ll quite often fire up both laptops while in front of the television. When the apocalypse comes, I have a feeling BT broadband won’t be working. After 15 minutes of enforced media blackout, we’ll either both run screaming towards the un-dead, begging to be put out of our misery, or we’ll start talking to each other. Not wishing to sound old-fashioned, but we used to talk all of the time. In fact, for six months before we started going out, all we did was talk, albeit it by email and phone. Perhaps the dead being raised is what we need to get back to that.


DON’T FORGET: Looting Is Like The Wedding Gift List That Keeps On Giving

The breakdown of society as we know it can have a plus side. My wife and I live in modest surroundings, so perhaps it would be a good time to get some new stuff in. You may call it looting – I call it ‘upgrading’. And given my wife’s propensity for vintage paraphernalia (she runs a website, www.vintagebrighton.com, /shameless plug), the opportunity for her to go on a free shopping spree around town would be too great to pass up. Although, if there’s nowhere to go out to show off these ill-gotten wares, I may be setting myself up for numerous fashion shows…


DON’T FORGET! Zombies need love too

Maybe we’ve got these rotting, animated corpses all wrong. Perhaps all they really want from life is to settle down, secure their dream job and raise little zombie babies. Perhaps we should integrate? Granted, going out on a double date with zombies may be hard work. My wife’s vegetarian, zombies eat brains – where would we dine? How do we get around the inevitable “murder of our species” topic? Conversation would also be slow-going at first but I suppose once we found some common ground, I’m sure we’d all hit it off. However, if the majority of the population has become zombified, I don’t think we’ll be able to find a restaurant serving anything vaguely edible. Pizza Express, again then.


TALKING POINT: Til death do us part?

Do the laws of marriage go out the window if society breaks down? If you got married in a church, I would say no, there’s a higher power involved that isn’t affected by a bunch of hobbling un-dead. Otherwise, I would say that married couples have carte blanche on what they get up to. Tired of your wife? Well if you’re the alpha male of the group, pick another. This goes both ways of course and your wife might decide that the end of days is the perfect excuse to trade up. Or you could have a ‘love the one you’re with’ arrangement which may be the best way to get the human race back on track. I’d probably have to draw the line at swinging with zombies though, unless she was drop-dead gorgeous of course…

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

I am of Staggered

The few of you that follow me on Twitter and Facebook will probably know that I write the odd blog for a groom's website called Staggered. I first noticed it when preparing for my own wedding and offered to do some posts for them. The wedding has come and gone and I still do some writing for them as it's a great resource for men about to take the plunge and has some fantastic writers on it.

If you're getting married or thinking about popping the question, it's worth having a look at the site. There's plenty of groom testimonials and advice on marriage available. At the very least it may open your eyes to the work involved...